Love thy children and trust in their abilities completely

Its been a while since i put down my thoughts...quite a while actually.... When i started this blog, i was told... the most difficult thing about a blog is to sustain it. Well i didnt do a great job of that but if i didn't share today's post it would be a shame....

Love thy children completely:

No, i don't mean pamper them and give them what they ask for... but just like the almighty does with us... always give them what they need.
Sixteen years ago I was blessed (truly so) with my son. We went through all the joy, the discomfort, the pain of newborness, toddlerness, first years in school together. Then as he turned 8, we figured that he had this minor disorder called Dyslexia. And initially we thought, ok he'd have a slight difficulty in learning concepts the way they're taught is regular schools, so we'll help him and get him all possible help and it will be fine.
So we got him help from remedial educators while he continued in his regular school, but it did not translate into any improvements in  his academic performance. For five years after that we tried a combination of remedial educators and tuition teachers but the marks weren't going northwards at school.
The school though was extremely supportive and helpful in guiding us through this hurdle but like a typical south indian mother i was concerned about his academic performance and am sure it rubbed off on his confidence and self esteem. Then the situation changed... I was guided to realize that the support he required was from home, from me.
So, from a full time working woman, i became a full time teaching mom. Again, thank God for that day and that moment when i took this decision. Almost four years later, my son has now cleared his ICSE exams with 88% marks and I have passed with flying colours!
So, why am I boasting about it... because of a need to share. My entire generation is the working couple generation and often i hear people say. 'OMG! My son is 18!!! My daughter is 20!!! Time flies by so fast' And soon after that the children have flown away too...
Yes life is more complicated today, inflation is sky-rocketing, you need to invest for your future.... Invest yes but smartly. Your children could either be your biggest investments or society's biggest liability. If they grow up to be strong and happy individuals they will collectively make this world a better place. And we can enjoy a secure retirement. For that though we parents need to invest our time and sincere efforts into their childhood.... into our next generation.
Today i realise it was not because i was a typical south indian mom that i thought about his academics only. It was not because I was the woman that i decided to stay home. It was because he had the dream to engineer or design at a global level, he dreamt of working for FERRARI or NASA or LEGO and somewhere the mother inside me knew that if he could dream of that he could very well achieve it with the right support. My frustration was that his IQ level clinically tested was higher than most children of his age and yet he didnt do well enough in his studies and that looked like it will break off the ladder that lead to his dream, his passion.
and that is why (taking inspiration from my mom who sacrificed for us) I quit my job, set up a blog for him to share his hobby: amazing Lego creations of his own to boost his confidence. Then i started studying with him. And after 3 grueling years he has tasted success and i am satisfied i did my job.
We all love our children, but how many of us have faith in them and show it to the mand to the world. This is the least we owe them. (While we are at it let's try giving them more respect as they grow - this a huge one because it boost their esteem and helps establishes a special bond which is sure to last a lifetime)
My meek little boy is growing up to be a confident young man and once again thank God for those angels, in the form of various lovely people around me mainly my family and my parents who decided 45 years ago that my mother will quite her job to raise my brother and I,  thus guiding me along the right path towards the best decision of my life.
Do this much for your children... stay at home one of you, PLEASE :-) And be sure you that in time, will be rewarded in ways you can't even imagine. Happy Birthday my son, thanks for giving birth to me.

True to ur self

It's been a year i think, since my last post and i wonder whether the reason for the gap is having too much to say or too little to say, but i guess mostly in my case it is the former :-)
So i took the time to pick just one thing at a time... and today i chose this thought' "always be true to yourself"
Though a lot of us come across as knowing what we want and being able to say it so to the world as well as to the people closest to us (that can be more difficult actually), i think we still chose to say not exactly what we want to say.
For a number of reasons, we either colour our thoughts, or guise them or simply put sugar-coat them or sometimes we even say the exact opposite of what we rehearsed in our minds a moment ago. I think i can claim that without exception we all find ourselves in this state at some point.
The time after this is the most excruciating for most because we have communicated something other than what we wanted to actually say and there fore there is a whirlwind of emotions running through our heads - some going over the conversation and others concerning the reaction.
My conclusion: simple-sounding but tough to apply every time is to just let yourself be, allow yourself a POV of your own and express it as truthfully as possible. Yes it could be hurtful at times but i guess being tru to yourself and to the other, even at the cost of hurting is better than being deceitful. For the other doesn't even know your true opinion and you on the other hand have to deal with not just being stuck with your opinion in your throat but you are also left with a taste of your own deceit in the mouth.
Toh phir dil khol ke sach bolo aur gale ki kharash se bache raho ;-)

Soft on ur self

In my first post i'd said that a lot of us don't love our selves and probably that's got to do with our childhood wiring and here's the same concept elaborated as promised.
In my observation and im sure a lot of you will agree that whatever our background expectations of various levels have been set on us right from the time we can remember (probably even before that a sub-conscious level) and till lately, falling short of those expectations was never ok! Very sub-consciously or sometimes qutie knowingly too the world around us communicates to us that falling short is failing. It starts at the level when a baby is being fed and spits out the food calling for a playful reprimand by the mother or is trying to turn on its belly but doesn't manage and observes a twitch of its mothers facial muscles.
None of us is super human to control these reflexes and again its fine for the mother to have given those reactions but it is also true that these spur a need in the baby to do something to get an appreciative nod from the mother. Point is that though there a lot of things too hard-wired in our system for us to be able to change, being aware helps.
Being aware of these things helps me deal with my child at least some times where i am able to communicate to him that whether he succeeds or fails, i will love him all the same. A few nods from a few of you there! Now, the challenging part is to be able to do this to yourself. We need to tell ourselves (and genuinely so) that i am worth my love even if i do something wrong. From stuff like even if i dont get a promotion and a hike, even if i dont save this month, even if i have made an unfair remark at some body, even if i fought needlessly, to the basic stuff like even if i didn't cook for my family, even if i didn't wish my parents a happy anniversary.
Most of us find ourselves in these situations quite often but very few of us manage to accept it and move on. The others spend considerable amount of time blaming themselves for the miss!
Yet, in a years time none of these would matter. On the other hand just like we can forgive ourselves just like we easily can others, our frame of mind turns positive immediately and we find ourselves in more pleasant situations. In effect it does improve things if you go a little soft on yourself.
I'd go to the extent to say even if you have to force it a first few times, do it, force your self to love you... Just Do It!

I love me

What better a day to start blogging about something i've been pondering over for a while now! I have the habit of observing people and trespassing into their heads to know what makes them the way they are. After a lot of deliberation i have come to the conclusion that a lot of people are in unpleasant places or situations because of one underlying reason... not loving themselves enough. I guess it has a lot to do with our childhood wiring but i beg to differ.
Sounds profound eh! I'll go into this more as i write more on this blog but in my opening post all i'd like to say is the world would be a much calmer, happy place if we all loved our selves completely, coz we're worth it :-) each one of us