In my first post i'd said that a lot of us don't love our selves and probably that's got to do with our childhood wiring and here's the same concept elaborated as promised.
In my observation and im sure a lot of you will agree that whatever our background expectations of various levels have been set on us right from the time we can remember (probably even before that a sub-conscious level) and till lately, falling short of those expectations was never ok! Very sub-consciously or sometimes qutie knowingly too the world around us communicates to us that falling short is failing. It starts at the level when a baby is being fed and spits out the food calling for a playful reprimand by the mother or is trying to turn on its belly but doesn't manage and observes a twitch of its mothers facial muscles.
None of us is super human to control these reflexes and again its fine for the mother to have given those reactions but it is also true that these spur a need in the baby to do something to get an appreciative nod from the mother. Point is that though there a lot of things too hard-wired in our system for us to be able to change, being aware helps.
Being aware of these things helps me deal with my child at least some times where i am able to communicate to him that whether he succeeds or fails, i will love him all the same. A few nods from a few of you there! Now, the challenging part is to be able to do this to yourself. We need to tell ourselves (and genuinely so) that i am worth my love even if i do something wrong. From stuff like even if i dont get a promotion and a hike, even if i dont save this month, even if i have made an unfair remark at some body, even if i fought needlessly, to the basic stuff like even if i didn't cook for my family, even if i didn't wish my parents a happy anniversary.
Most of us find ourselves in these situations quite often but very few of us manage to accept it and move on. The others spend considerable amount of time blaming themselves for the miss!
Yet, in a years time none of these would matter. On the other hand just like we can forgive ourselves just like we easily can others, our frame of mind turns positive immediately and we find ourselves in more pleasant situations. In effect it does improve things if you go a little soft on yourself.
I'd go to the extent to say even if you have to force it a first few times, do it, force your self to love you... Just Do It!
In my observation and im sure a lot of you will agree that whatever our background expectations of various levels have been set on us right from the time we can remember (probably even before that a sub-conscious level) and till lately, falling short of those expectations was never ok! Very sub-consciously or sometimes qutie knowingly too the world around us communicates to us that falling short is failing. It starts at the level when a baby is being fed and spits out the food calling for a playful reprimand by the mother or is trying to turn on its belly but doesn't manage and observes a twitch of its mothers facial muscles.
None of us is super human to control these reflexes and again its fine for the mother to have given those reactions but it is also true that these spur a need in the baby to do something to get an appreciative nod from the mother. Point is that though there a lot of things too hard-wired in our system for us to be able to change, being aware helps.
Being aware of these things helps me deal with my child at least some times where i am able to communicate to him that whether he succeeds or fails, i will love him all the same. A few nods from a few of you there! Now, the challenging part is to be able to do this to yourself. We need to tell ourselves (and genuinely so) that i am worth my love even if i do something wrong. From stuff like even if i dont get a promotion and a hike, even if i dont save this month, even if i have made an unfair remark at some body, even if i fought needlessly, to the basic stuff like even if i didn't cook for my family, even if i didn't wish my parents a happy anniversary.
Most of us find ourselves in these situations quite often but very few of us manage to accept it and move on. The others spend considerable amount of time blaming themselves for the miss!
Yet, in a years time none of these would matter. On the other hand just like we can forgive ourselves just like we easily can others, our frame of mind turns positive immediately and we find ourselves in more pleasant situations. In effect it does improve things if you go a little soft on yourself.
I'd go to the extent to say even if you have to force it a first few times, do it, force your self to love you... Just Do It!
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